s. is now a ball of fire, a compendium.
i can't describe his experiences in some spheres; the reconciliation
of 'sheep' and 'wolf'. if there were two sides of his body, being
symmetrical, each with varying qualities in sensation, where was
the center? did the center exist in sensation? even on a physical
plane direct knowledge was fleeting.
i can only describe what happened. s. has embarked on a voyage
into uncharted territory; that is 'the self', or, at least what is
within reach of conscious attention.
when he got that job at the american foundation for the blind, it
was in a way, symbolic. what does a blind man see? the inner
world he inhabits is richer for the paucity of external distractions.
operating the record stamping machines s. was in constant easy
motion; nothing heavy, nothing strenuous, but perpetual
movement over and over again eight hours a day, six days a week
with one half hour lunch break and two 15 minute breaks.
s. was a whirling dervish. he operated two stations, each with a
stamper with 600 tons of pressure, a 'biscuit', hot black vinyl blob
with a hole in the center, and a cutter. twice. so that as soon as he
slid the labeled record into it's paper sleeve, the other stamper
snapped open. he could hear it. he had to whirl around and repeat:
push button for biscuit, place label in the gaping jaws,then
biscuit, then second label and get those soft hands outta there
quick as it snapped shut to press the sounds of "the last of the
mohegans", or the daily news into a record. then the other snaps
open. pull it out, put on cutter, place label etc. etc. ad infinitum,
day after day.
the point i am trying to elucidate is that s. had no time for
dreaming. that is why one day he had a spiritual experience in the
pitch dark stairwell where he would sit still as a stone after his
hurried lunch of chicken soup. perfectly still, but with the
repercussions still vibrating through his cells. eyes closed or open
didn't matter. closed, it was dark, open it was black.
in the utter quiet s. was searching for, there was nothing. just
breathing and being. s. opened his eyes and there was light
streaming from no particular source. quantum particles, spears of
light were coming from nothing. this of course, cannot be explained.
s. called it his "chicken soup" experience.