sitting quietly he felt his solar plexus as a dark tunnel. a cold wind, a funnel of debris and shit and hopelessness. sure, his heart was rent and in his mind, nothing but dark thoughts; and the day had just begun.
s. was on the third floor of a dollar a day "single room occupancy"; dirty shower down the dim hall. there was something so depressing
about that corner of manhattan. third avenue and fourteenth st.
then there was the anonymity of the "horn and hardart", the last of the 'automats'. put a nickel in for a cup of coffee and a dime for apple pie or a bowl of soup. this was s's office. he had started a journal.
sipping his second cup of coffee he gathered his thoughts. this was a serious diary, black, 14"x 11"; no lines, so he could add sketches.
he wrote on the inside of the cover:
"this is a journal of the events, emotions and thoughts i have experienced during the period between 1966 when i first began to try to find something (in life) more than what was automatically mine and the time that i did find something and no longer need to do this.
this journal is a discipline and a reminder."
the first page is dated 1/19/66
some bullshit about a girl named ruth, a meeting with bob f. and carolyn where s. talks his head off spewing ideas for a movie they plan to make together.
and one line: "called julie, venice, ca..—- same as ever."
the next day he talks effusively about his job in the 'messenger service' , the injustices at the hands of the owner mrs. altman and the movie "darling" which he reads as the existentialist futility of an aimless life and compares his relationship with julie to that of the hero 'robert'.
on the 24th of january, s. complains about a rash of weeping sores on the palms of his hands, gigi and bob f. and the movie, sue bertram is around and tells s. a little about entering the 'work'. that night s. has a dream where he meets this white haired man behind his desk who asks him, "why have you come? what do you want?"
….. from the journal: his dream: " i want to become clean." he said, "why don't you wash yourself? i asked how? and he stopped and thought a while and i thought he was going to tell me something but he gave me some soap instead.
i am so sick of being nothing—- i must do something .
*************************************************
at one of their many instructive meetings at the automat, f. says, "julie is in town." they agree to meet at her apartment the next day. they agree to work together for a fund to pay a lawyer to regain the boys from the foster home in woodstock. bob would rent a car and be a gypsy cab driver at night. s. made a pretty sign for him to flash in the theatre district. it said 'TAXI' in giant ornate colored letters.
nancy romagnoli, a new friend s. had met at the "paradox", a macrobiotic restaurant on the lower east side, helped s. with his costume. a bright green over-sized angora sweater, with a collar they made together, a pair of bright red dancer's leotards, a crepe paper red and orange large flower with a butterfly pin attached.
s.'s idea was to buy dozens of red roses in the subway, where they were cheaper by the dozen. beautiful fresh long stemmed roses which hadn't even started to bloom. he would sell these for a dollar apiece in the high class eastside restaurants on saturday night.
with all of these things s. was made-up, all white faced with a red dot on his nose and a perpetual smile like a mime (he did this himself) and dressed (by the girls) at seven o'clock that evening with four dozen roses in a flat box, s. stumbled into his first restaurant. he would never say a single word or it wouldn't work. he had to use sign language through-out the night.
a short white mustached armenian stepped out of a bar. s. was just walking by very fast. the man stopped him impulsively, "what are you doing?"
s. waved his hand indicating the roses in the box.
"ahhh, you're giving them?"
s. rubbed his fingers together; the sign for money.
"oh, i get it. you are a clown." s. nodded demurely, smiling his biggest smile.
the armenian bustled s. off to a liquor store. from the back of the store, some children came out with their mother. they were greatly surprised and pleased. s. bowed and capered and gave them each a rose. during this performance the kind father surreptitiously placed a dollar in s's hand.
although s. was supposed to be selling roses for a dollar apiece, he thought it was best to say nothing.
another time s. was rushing around a corner and surprised a young couple coming towards him. she said,
"where are you coming from?", as if in a fairytale. s. gesticulated that he had these flowers to sell and held up his index finger; meaning one dollar apiece.
delighted, this beauty, in a fine evening gown, turned to her indian escort, expectantly. the lucky man reached for his wallet.
s. went to bars and restaurants. at first they made him leave. but he wouldn't. the patrons sometimes insisted that the management let him stay. after awhile, he learned to sort of come falling in as if someone had shoved him. then trippingly he would regain his balance dramatically in a room full of people. and the antics between the maitre d's and s. always brought roars of laughter. s. would pout and stomp around as if he wouldn't go.
s. observed that the girls were all enchanted with him, or the idea of him, and wanted a flower, no matter the cost was one dollar— they would insist on having one. even the hatcheck girls, the waitresses and the showgirls expressed their sympathy. some would buy a flower themselves, some even tipped him. but they all helped. at one big party in a french 'haute cuisine' restaurant, a man at the head of the table paid for six roses for the ladies in his company. the pretty waitresses shamed the managers who tried to throw him out. they invited s. to meander around to all the tables. they helped with the flowers, passing them out.
what woman's love or friendship is not worth the cost of a long stemmed rosebud?
that night s. returned to grand central station for more roses two more times. he made $132 at a cost of $12 .
julie got the boys back. it took a while longer than they expected. but she got them back.
IArtMan said:
glad to have you on board, prince of denmark. :happy:
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ricewood said:
Following you in anticipation I am
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L2D2 said:
You sure know how to set a mood, Scott. Can't wait for next installment. What a strange existence.
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IArtMan said:
thanks linda, not so strange really, just life. 😎
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IArtMan said:
pam, i agree, that would be a perfect cast for young and old s.. my second choice would be dicaprio for the young s. and nick nolte for the later years. especially the boardwalk artist years…. the 'devil may care' contrivances for pure survival. it takes a wry wit.glad you dropped by. :happy:
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PainterWoman said:
I forgot to say, I'm sure glad the boys were returned but I'm wondering why they were'nt returned to s. instead of her.
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PainterWoman said:
Scott, I see this story as a movie with Sean Connery playing s. when he's much older and none other than Johnny Depp playing s. as a young man. Both actors have played serious, dark, moody, flamboyant and carefree characters that I think they would be perfect. Connery, I think, is nearing 80 so he might not be acting anymore. I'll have to think of someone else.
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PainterWoman said:
Those two would be perfect too. Always liked Nolte as an actor. DiCaprio's good as well. Nolte's caused some tough times for himself. I even have a picture of him in a Phoenix College Yearbook, 1968, I think. He wore big black horned rimmed glasses and was kind of nerdy looking. Of course, I didn't know who he was going to be then.
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intothedeep said:
:eyes: Wow! That was some symbolic dream :faint:What was your religion, if any, growing up as a child?
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IArtMan said:
nor did he, i'll wager. "cannery row" with debra winger was a great part for him. from the steinbeck novel and true to story.recently i saw him in "the good thief" which i love. he's a great outlaw.i picked di caprio because he seems to slip into any character with just the right subtleties. his 'jack dawson' in titanic was awesome. but so was the script. he totally embodied the proper attitude of the artist and his disdain for conventions.
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IArtMan said:
pam, i missed that question before. sorry. good question. i thought about a paragraph form the journal but didn't want to get too wordy.the documents we submitted contained my wishes too. i knew i had no rights to demian so i only asked for jonathan. but the court's decision was that julie should have them both. which was good. i wouldn't want to separate brothers, being a brother myself.
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IArtMan said:
pam,that happens, i know. but usually go back in the comments to refresh my memory of what's going on. then i saw your other comment.not sad. it's good. my experience… my son jonathan now knows his older brother and sister from his mother's first unsucessful marriage. there's no bonding after all that time. but they do know each other. i think that's good for everyone.
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PainterWoman said:
You missed the question because I added it a few seconds later. :p Well, in that case, it's good they were kept together. I've known a couple of people who grew up in foster homes and lost touch with brothers and sisters, then found them 20 or 30 years later. Really very sad.
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ellinidata said:
s. is out of the doghouse…(at the moment 😀 ) what was Julie feeling after so long away from the kids? did the Taxi job go on ? did you know that most of the clowns hide a sad story? did S. give Julie a rose sometimes?how long did s. save before the boys came home?why the line "julie got the boys back. it took a while longer than they expected. but she got them back." makes me ask:"was s. police record a negative factor in getting back the boys?"if s.did sell roses at night,did s.draw during the day ? **sometimes anxiety kills my desire for painting, how s.feels as an artist ?PSI am finally alone,both my teens prepare hot chocolate so we can go to the roof and see the falling of the meteors tonight…sometimes I prefer to visit when the kids are not around,not only because I can tear up (sometimes) but I also curse in Greek when upset with s……not the case tonight… but the post brought more questions than answers..:) you know me by now, no?
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ellinidata said:
I love you meli :heart: I know you both did what you could have to do in order to get them backI know later things will have ups and downs again but I am soooooo happy the boys are with their family.Damian wouldn't have a hard time remembering how he was loved in the past but for the baby Jon it was a new mom and dad all over again!
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IArtMan said:
yes, meli :heart: i know you by now. good questions as usual. i try to write so that there will be no questions. but you always peek through the cracks.julie honestly wanted to be the mother of her children by now. sure, she had to rely on welfare. and i will never know how that reality affected her decision. but i know her still and she paid her dues later working for social services for 20 years trying to help displaced children. i am sure she did her best. she had to go back to school etc., i don't read minds but i have a great sympathy for all people and their struggles when they try to repair the past instead of ignoring it.fitzgerald found s. that night and tried to help. portraying a bum. they tried to be a show. but it was so bad f. left after a couple of tries. luckily i have the journal so the timeline is distinct. s. always felt the urgency, but i must admit, he felt powerless. not for any criminal record, he had none.the only charge he ever plead guilty to was covered by the 'youthful offenders act" since he was only 15.his inability to litigate as a father was only the lack of a legal right only given in those days to married people. he had the records of demian and jonathan being born with his last name but it meant nothing to a court which preferred the mother as a guardian. and i agree with that essentially."**sometimes anxiety kills my desire for painting,"anxiety is always an obstacle to creativity but never an excuse for not working. a good discipline for an artist is to go on. even if it's only 20 minutes a day. it keeps it alive. but it takes a certain impartiality to the urgencies which arise.s. has been diverted from being an artist by the pressures of considerations like food, housing, and obligations. he never was any good at making money. lol… still isn't. that's what makes him kind of a cripple in the go getter world we live in. but he has always been a willing worker at any task.it only took longer than they wish because the machinery of justice grinds at an understandably slow pace. investigations take time. and the docket, even then was crammed full of cases. i don't even have the literary capability to describe the legal battle we fought to get them back. i had to appear in court and testify. and i spoke the truth. the truth wasn't actually very helpful to getting the kids back. but i was under oath. i was willing to take them both. julie's abandonment of them was the hardest hurdle.
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IArtMan said:
yes meli :heart: even if demian could remember what happened way back then, he became a fine man and i am proud of him. jonathan also has grown into a fine provider for his family. both rose above those events.i remember once when demian was visitng us on staten island, working out with jonathan in his basement den. they wanted to arm wrestle me. jon was 18, demian 19.since i knew they prized strength above everything at their age, i had to let them win. after years of hard labor and really in my prime, i could have won easily. i made a very good show of it. and played the good sport when they beat me. i think that helped them both to gain self-confidence.it doesn't matter if they read this now. the healing has already been done.
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sanshan said:
Anthony Hopkins! That's getting closer don't you think! The beard, the wide set eyes. Didn't he play Picasso?
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sanshan said:
I've been wracking my brain, images for the perfect actor to play Scott. For some reason I keep thinking, Jude Law as a young Scott, and George Clooney (with beard of course) for mature Scott! (well, I'll think about it some more, maybe it's just my personal fantasy! :lol:)
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IArtMan said:
san, i guess that's why you're not in casting. jude law is great, i love him. but not quite right, if you don't mind me saying. i think pierce brosnan would be better than george clooney for the aging s. s. has some of the features and demeanor of brosnan. however, i just can't see him as an artist.it's just for fun. but if by some remote possibilty s,'s story ever hit the celluloid. if i were the producer i would use unknowns. it would be appropriate and not detract from the storyline. what is the storyline anyway. artist is ignored all his life, is poor, is divorced, survives homelessness for 15 years and keeps painting through it all?
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L2D2 said:
Is a survivor. George Clooney, no. Just not Joaquin Phoenix. After seeing him on David Letterman, I will never willingly see another movie with him in it. And I liked his acting.
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ellinidata said:
I thing tha stong build of Russell Crowe, and his deep voice is perfect for the older s. he seems to be more huggable too 🙂
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IArtMan said:
yes, more huggable than anthony hopkins. i still think nick nolte would be cool as s. san, he did play picasso and did a good job of it too. but he's too cold. how about morgan freeman, he can be sweet. j/kno i've got it. tim robbins. :up:
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sanshan said:
Tim Robbins…he might just work!
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IArtMan said:
yeah, he's kind of got my smirk and the nose in profile is very close. he's also very intelligent. did i say that? :faint:
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IArtMan said:
be strong. tell him to practice on his brush strokes. 😎
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L2D2 said:
I'll get right on that.
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IArtMan said:
o.k. call him.
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L2D2 said:
I vote for Russell.
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ellinidata said:
I am better than yesterday Linda :heart:what are you farming these days?is there any link to see your farm?:o sorry meli,I am off-topic
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ellinidata said:
Originally posted by I_ArtMan:
he is a softy, (so I hear) ,only strong in stature ,a good story will make him bring out the tissues too 🙂 and accept with pleasure
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IArtMan said:
i wrote an essay on joseph andrews. i remember it was painlessly episodic.i don't see why you people won't let di caprio play the 23 year old s. 💡
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L2D2 said:
And look damn good while doing it.
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IArtMan said:
i'm starting to visualize it as an early english novel like "joseph andrews" fielding maybe even, "candide" by voltaire
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ellinidata said:
now we are talking! :yes:hi Linda :heart:
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ellinidata said:
he doesn't know how to pick apples in Main … :p
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L2D2 said:
Hi Angeliki. How are ya today?
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ellinidata said:
7am -7pm ,seven days a week it will kill DiCaprio :heart:
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L2D2 said:
Wonder how River Phoenix would have done? What you think?
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IArtMan said:
no linda, not river phoenix, no way. he wouldn't even know which end of the sledge hammer to use when splitting wood with wedges.yeah i saw. meli :heart: what a memory. !i have a photographic memory myself. i once told a story that took three hours to tell. "the legend of gilgamesh" it was a task my roommate gave me in return for the one i gave him.
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ellinidata said:
I left you a msg there, it was in one of your pictures :heart::lol: yes an elephants memory … my son has photographic,I wish I had it too 🙂
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IArtMan said:
they can always use a stunt double for that scene :lol:you remember… that's that memory like an elephant thing. i don't know where i said that.
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ellinidata said:
Originally posted by I_ArtMan:
I love that! I wish I had it,my dad does and he is 80! :eyes:he still remembers verses he memorized in college! when he tells me I just step back and smile… I miss him something great! I spoke to him yesterday … 🙂
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IArtMan said:
i'm sure you've seen that. the 'seed' is a powerful force. it is real magic. you can pray over a seed that it grow until you're blue in the face, but if you don't know the depth to set each variety and the right time to plant it, all is lost.
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IArtMan said:
sounds like a gentleman i would like very much. :smile:i remember so well, that my impulse to memorize something was always an immediate hommage to my estimation of the greatness of the work. for example, shakespeare's sonnets. there aren't very many, and there aren't too many i memorized when i was 15, but i can still recite them.also, some soliloquies, like, and out of context,"whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them." hamleti still don't know the answer to that question. but i suspect it's nobler to do the latter. 😎
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ellinidata said:
Originally posted by I_ArtMan:
over time I noticed that ,when in a subject to come up with some amazing quotes, verses ,memories… that's great meli!yes, my dad is a very 😎 manhe can take dirt from the earth in his hands with no fear and make a tree out of a peach seed ! an honest, sharing, peaceful man he is 🙂
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ellinidata said:
I was lazy to get up and put the mango seed to the waste basket and stuck it in the planter next to my desk,I forgot all about it, now I have amango plant 🙂
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L2D2 said:
Do you ever fertilize it?
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ellinidata said:
Originally posted by I_ArtMan:
or a bee :p
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IArtMan said:
linda, you're right. very good information.meli, :heart: i am in a very free building. theynever bother me about anything, like my tomato and pepper plants. but bees? i don't think so. i read that you need two avocado trees for pollination. the plants are male/female but they need another tree to pollinate. so my question is how did this tree do it before? maybe some wind brought the dust from another plant in the neighborhood.
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L2D2 said:
Do either of you know about grafts? Nearly all fruit trees are grown on grafted stock. There will be a knot in the trunk/stem above the soil===don't ever cover that up with soil by the way, or you will end up with the stock and not the variety you want. Anyway, if you plant, say, an avocado seed after you ate it, you are not going to get the variety you ate. It will more than likely be small and not tasty because it is reverted to the root stock which is normally an old, disease-resistant variety, but whose fruit may not be anything like what is produced on the limbs above the graft.So, Angeliki, your mango may be a mango, but not the variety you ate.
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ellinidata said:
Originally posted by L2D2:
actually seeing the green stem and leaves make me smile, as for mangos I can be a savage when I eat one, juices run from my chin to my neck, I doubt very much any tree will grow indoors to produce such a fruit :p however if I farmed on FaceBook maybe I would have had more chances! :DI'm grate when I graft roses, I can do miracles with them :yes:
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ellinidata said:
Originally posted by I_ArtMan:
a cup of sugar dilluted in a gallon water 🙂 plants nn food and sugar always does it 🙂 also start a small beehive there, you will have pollination and honey too 🙂 I wonder if you need a permit for that in LAX…
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IArtMan said:
😆 that's great. and rare.i do that all the time. i don't come back from a walk without a pocketful of seeds.i wish i knew more. the avocado plant in my little back yard which once yielded about twenty lovely big haas avocados last year has only one this year. i wonder what it needs. :happy:i suspect it's connected to pollination. i already searched for more information and found nothing useful.
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IArtMan said:
yes, or a busy bee. 😎
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barefoot_muse said:
:happy: i've heard that the most beautiful words are things like 'mother,' 'home,' 'i love you,' but i think these, "julie got the boys back. it took a while longer than they expected. but she got them back." must be on the list too.
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IArtMan said:
it was an enormous happiness all around. :happy:demian and jonathan had a home again with their mother who did love them.
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